Wednesday, November 19, 2008

I Hate Decorating

"Wives," James the VI and I once declared in a notorious aside, "are a necessary evil". I suspect that His Royal Highness was wrong about wives on at least one count, and so I would like to re-direct his acerbic put-down, away from them, and instead turn its fire towards the loathsome requirement of decorating.

Dirt, pen-marks, hand-prints, flaking paint and the like, mean that this living room is in urgent need of decoration (so I am reliably informed). Re-decorating the room, with all the hassle and expense that this entails, is (apparently) a pre-requisite for a satisfactory existence. Thus sayeth the wife, anyhow!

Needless to say, my view is that a cost/benefit analysis of the situation would indefinitely postpone any such endeavour. Days of misery spent with dust-sheets, polyfiller, sandpaper, paint brushes and rollers cannot be offset by a couple of smart looking walls. The long-term analysis of the matter is hardly more inspiring. If I am blessed with a long life, then heck, what's the rush? If, on the other hand, I am to be given but a few months or years, then frankly I have more important things left to achieve than this!

Which brings us back full-circle to the subject of wives. My one likes the house we share to be tidy and decorated. She finds the state of some parts of our house as irritating as my "motivational issues" as regards addressing them. Likewise she finds interior decorating magazines to be endless sources of inspiration, possibilities and ideas - whereas I find myself loosing consciousness and being summoned towards the bright light, as soon as they are mentioned.

So today, I have wasted my life, invested my time in decorating. Filling, sanding, brushing, rolling, dust-sheeting - the whole sorry caboodle. There is a fine line (yet nevertheless an important one) between saying that this is for my necessary evil, and saying that it is a necessary evil. A distinction the maintenance of which, my life expectancy somewhat depends upon.

Still, desperate times call for desperate measures. .....

8 comments:

AnneDroid said...

Our kitchen needs doing, when you have a minute.

Jerry J. said...

As I've viewed your creation of the "man haven" (which was your attic) on many previous posts, I am extremely impressed with the boldness of your nost recent post. I'm assuming your wife hasn't read it as yet? When she does, I believe it will be rather interesting around the THM household... I mean, even a man would have to admit that some sort of double standard seems to be applied to your view of the construction trade. :-)

That Hideous Man said...

Oh no - she read it yesterday, takes me with a pinch of salt, laughs at me and threatens to hurt me.

All in all - a very balanced reponse!

Anonymous said...

Well we've been in this house 8 years without decorating, so if you'd like to do some more........Our kitchen dates from 1982 I believe.

When I go into recently decorated houses I do think "Wow. We could do this" and then I think "maybe in a few years......"

Fish Wife's Tales said...

We used to do our own decorating. Nowadays I think it's a job best left to the professionals, especially when it involves wallpaper. For some reason, the combination of glue, wet paper, sharp knives and uneven walls caused loads of arguments!

His Girl Friday said...

I think ER's comment about a new look for your old ring was priceless...and with all this decorating, it looks like Mrs H is making good use with that lead rope.... ;)


ps. I agree with the 'why'; I can think of plenty other things to be doing or spending money on other than decorating.
I do like a cozy home though, so I have to be careful at what I suggest in the decorating and painting department, because TB shows no mercy, and drafts me into decorating serfdom. ;)

lynn said...

All I can comment upon is...

Deep Purple??? DEEP PURPLE????

:-)

That Hideous Man said...

to be fair - I did say that desperate measures were required....!!!